{"id":1022,"date":"2014-04-20T06:14:19","date_gmt":"2014-04-20T06:14:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.laurafulton.org\/?page_id=1022"},"modified":"2014-04-20T06:14:19","modified_gmt":"2014-04-20T06:14:19","slug":"loving-dangerously","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.laurafulton.org\/?page_id=1022","title":{"rendered":"Loving Dangerously"},"content":{"rendered":"

Men in Peril and the Women Who Love Them <\/strong><\/p>\n

An edited version of this article appeared in Aquarius Magazine in November 2009 \u2013 find it online here<\/a>. <\/i><\/p>\n

For many women living in the UAE, any day their partner goes to work might realistically end in tragedy. Meet three tough wives who have weathered the stress of their husbands\u2019 dangerous jobs and gained a stronger relationship for it.<\/p>\n

Kasey Conrad, age 52, married 24 years to Dennis, age 49, air traffic controller<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dennis Conrad\u2019s job of Air Traffic Control Specialist\u2014keeping planes from crashing using radar, verbal contact, and technical wizardry\u2014is famous for causing stress. This demanding occupation, however, became even more nerve-racking when Dennis took on a fourteen month stint at KAIA, the international airport of Kabul.<\/p>\n

Despite Afghanistan\u2019s ongoing conflict, Dennis\u2019 wife Kasey didn\u2019t worry about her husband\u2019s safety when he first arrived in the tumultuous country. \u201cThere hadn\u2019t been any major incidences at or near the airport for several years,\u201d recalls Kasey, who met Dennis in 1983 in Houston, Texas. \u201cUpon arriving at KAIA, however, the men were all issued helmets, flack vests, and oxygen masks. The fact that this equipment was necessary worried me. Also, the job itself is more challenging in Afghanistan because there is very little technological aid and no<\/i> radar.\u201d Even worse, the swarms of military aircraft get priority, so air traffic controllers have to be extra diligent to keep commercial aircraft clear of bombing missions.<\/p>\n

Kasey\u2019s fears soon became well founded. \u201cAfter two quiet months, things went rapidly down hill, beginning with a suicide bombing at the airport\u2019s front gate,\u201d says Kasey, a Rehabilitation Therapist. \u201cEveryone working at KAIA was required to live at the airport, so Dennis\u2019 housing was literally between a runway and a helicopter pad.\u201d As attacks on the base became increasingly frequent, Kabul was becoming a much more dangerous place in general. \u201cTo get or post mail, the controllers had to drive ten miles to the U.S. military base without military escort in an armoured car in full safety dress, a drive that could take up to an hour one way.\u201d<\/p>\n

Over the next several months, the attacks on the airport escalated; the final straw broke the night a mortar shell landed twenty yards from Dennis\u2019 barracks. \u201cDennis and I were having a conversation on the computer when all of the sudden, he was not responding. It was an eerie feeling; for nearly two hours, he couldn\u2019t contact me to let me know he was safe or what had happened,\u201d recalls Kasey. \u201cLuckily, the mortar shell didn\u2019t explode, but that was when we decided it was time to move on.\u201d<\/p>\n

The silver lining is that, thanks Dennis\u2019 experiences, this American couple now realize how much they truly mean to one another; Dennis, in fact, recently left his job in Kabul to work as an air traffic controller in Abu Dhabi, bringing Kasey from Texas to join him in December. \u201c[Living in Abu \u00a0 Dhabi] gives us a chance to share our lives in another part of the world, safely together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Though Dennis\u2019 job in Afghanistan strengthened the Conrads\u2019 relationship, it evoked mixed feelings in their children, Ali, age 20, and Michael, age 30. \u201cMy daughter missed my husband very much but always kept an optimistic outlook,\u201d says Kasey. \u201cMy son, however, a political science major and a student of the Afghanistan and Iraq situations, was beside himself with worry and would implore Dennis to always wear his flack vest and his helmet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Plenty of contact helped Kasey cope. \u201cI was fortunate enough to be able to communicate with Dennis nearly everyday he was away. It helped to be able to know that, at least in those moments, he was safe. I also do a lot of yoga and meditation,\u201d says Kasey, a former yoga instructor. \u201cI started writing a blog, too; the realization that others were sharing my experience inspired me to share some of the thoughts I was having.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sarah Currie, age 34, married 5 years to Steve, age 36, helicopter pilot<\/strong><\/p>\n

Though many wives have their imaginations to blame for their worries, Sarah Currie knows precisely what sort of danger her husband Steve encounters everyday\u2014she does the same job for a living. Both Sarah and Steve encountered plenty of sticky situations flying with the Royal New Zealand Air Force. \u201cWe flew the Iroquois helicopter, mostly in\u00a0New Zealand\u00a0in support of the army, navy, and police doing search and rescue and counter terrorism, then some peace keeping operations over seas which were more dangerous,\u201d recalls Sarah, a twelve year veteran of the RNZAF. \u201cIn\u00a0East Timor, for example, the rebels had some serious firepower and were supposedly\u00a0targeting our UN helicopters with things like RPGs and 50 caliber machine guns.\u201d<\/p>\n

Natives of New Zealand, the Curries both currently fly for Aerogulf Services, a Dubai-based helicopter company that\u00a0contracts mainly\u00a0to oil and gas companies flying to off-shore oil rigs, a job that involves plenty of risks. \u201cWhen you\u2019re flying near an oil rig, you\u2019re in very close proximity to big metal structures, so if\u00a0you\u2019re not concentrating\u00a0and you allow the aircraft to drift only slightly, you\u2019re just seconds away from actually hitting something, like cranes and other metal structures,\u201d says Sarah. \u201cEven worse, some\u00a0of these rigs have explosives and gas canisters\u00a0stored onboard, so if the helicopter\u00a0did collide with the rig\u00a0and catch on fire, the whole thing could go up.\u201d Considering the number of workers who live on the rigs, one helicopter crash could potentially end the lives of hundreds.<\/p>\n

Despite the risks, Sarah says she doesn\u2019t worry too much. \u201cI know that Steve\u2019s a very good pilot because I\u2019ve flown with him myself. Unless something\u00a0very drastic happens, he should be able to get the aircraft on the ground, so it\u2019s not very likely\u00a0that something would happen to him,\u201d reassures Sarah. \u201cIf he had to drive to work every day on\u00a0Sheikh Zayed Road, I would probably worry more than if he flew out to the oil rigs every day.\u201d<\/p>\n

Which is not to say that Sarah doesn\u2019t care. \u201cIf something were to happen to him, it would devastate my entire life,\u201d says Sarah. “We\u2019ve been together for ten years now, and I can’t imagine life without him.\u00a0The good news is that we\u2019ve just had our first child, who looks exactly\u00a0like Steve, so if something were to happen, Steve wouldn\u2019t just fade away\u2014I\u2019d have a way to remember him.\u201d<\/p>\n

The perks of Steve and Sarah\u2019s jobs especially outweigh the dangers for their son, one year old Will. \u201cWe work opposite shifts so\u00a0that generally, there\u2019s always one of us home with William and, because we don’t work too many hours,\u00a0we still get lots of time off together,\u201d says Sarah, who typically only flies 30 to 40 hours a month. \u201cIf we had \u2018normal\u2019 jobs, between working and fighting the traffic, we\u2019d never get to see Will, so flying has been great for our family life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Even better is the positive effect the job has had on their relationship. \u201cFlying, for all the danger, actually makes us closer because we can talk about it\u00a0as colleagues, not just as husband and wife,\u201d says Sarah. \u201cWe have a lot of respect for each other and it’s developed our friendship as well because we\u2019re not just a couple, we’re\u00a0also really good\u00a0work mates.\u201d<\/p>\n

St\u00e9phanie Goldman, age 36, married 4 years to Andrew, age 41, oil consultant<\/strong><\/p>\n

Though Andrew Goldman\u2019s job renting drilling tools to oil companies rarely involves much danger, the lengths he has to go through to get to work are enough to cause his wife St\u00e9phanie, a high school French teacher, considerable worry. \u201cOnce while flying out of Santa Cruz, Bolivia, Andrew nearly died in a crash while taking off from the airport.\u00a0 The plane banked too hard at a low altitude,\u201d recalls St\u00e9phanie, who hales from southwest France. \u201cSomehow the pilots got control of the aircraft, but everyone thought they were going to die.\u201d And for good reason\u2014another plane recently crashed at the same airport with the same problem; this time, the pilots failed to regain control.<\/p>\n

Even scarier than the \u00fcber-budget airlines Andrew sometimes flies are some of the destinations his job has taken him; one such trip very nearly ended in Andrew\u2019s murder. \u201cAndrew and his colleagues were once attacked by people living in the Niger Delta while they were driving from Port Harcourt to BeniCity,\u201d says St\u00e9phanie, who has lived all over the world, including two years in Abu Dhabi. As they drove, would-be thieves threw nail-studded boards in the road, flattening two of Andrew\u2019s tires.<\/p>\n

After nearly crashing the car, Andrew stopped and two men came out of the jungle. They pointed guns at Andrew and his Nigerian colleagues, demanding money and everything in the car. While Andrew\u2019s colleagues argued with the bandits, more and more armed men emerged from the jungle.\u00a0 Andrew (who still plays rugby at full-throttle despite his age) decided that he was going to change one of the tires\u2014if the robbers meant to shoot, they would have to shoot him in the back. \u201cAfter Andrew changed the tire he got back in the car and waited.\u00a0 Eventually, the thieves backed off long enough for all of them to escape.\u201d<\/p>\n

Though this story is not an isolated one, St\u00e9phanie appreciates the perspective her husband\u2019s perilous job brings to their relationship. \u201cEvery time Andrew goes, I suffer; I realize how much I love him and everything he does for our daughter and me. We cannot get bored with each other and when he comes back, it is like everything is new again,\u201d says St\u00e9phanie, mother of twenty month old Julia, for whom the distance is just as hard. \u201cI believe it is going to get harder and harder as the kids grow older, but for now, he spends lots of amazing quality time with us when he can, and every time Daddy comes home is a big party.\u201d<\/p>\n

As coping mechanisms go, St\u00e9phanie\u2019s is a simple but effective one. \u201cI just pray and ask my grandma to say a prayer as well because I know that God listens to her more than me,\u201d says St\u00e9phanie, who is due to give birth to a son soon. \u201cAlso, when our daughter was born, I asked my husband to really take care of himself and be careful because he has new responsibilities in life. But he is such a great dad that he is more careful now than ever.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI believe my husband will continue this job until he is 80 because he loves the adrenaline and the challenge of the job and always has terrific stories to tell when he comes back,\u201d says St\u00e9phanie of her rugged American spouse. \u201cI respect his personality: intense, dangerous, and fierce. I let him do what makes him happy, even if I have to pray that God sends me my husband in one piece every time he leaves us. Our little family is certainly different than most in the world, but we cherish each other and never take each other for granted.\u201d<\/p>\n

How to Cope<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dr Kennon Rider, Professor and Director of Family Community Services at Michigan State University, Dubai, says that when loved ones are at risk, wives and children can cope with that stress using the BASIC method:<\/p>\n

Beliefs and Values:<\/b> What you believe and value can moderate your feelings, so spiritual or religious values can support you in tough times. Foster beliefs that are hopeful.<\/p>\n

Affect:<\/b> Feelings such as anger, fear, and sorrow need to be acknowledged, but they should not take over. Try to own and express these emotions, but work to control how much they affect you.<\/p>\n

Social: <\/b>Routines, family, and friends are very important as they offer positive support during times of stress. Play and exercise also buffer stress and allow time to process threatening information and manage it.<\/p>\n

Imagination:<\/b> Imaginations can run wild creating \u201cworst case\u201d scenarios, but imaginations can also lead to hopeful visions. Visualize what life will be like when the potential threat is finished.<\/p>\n

Cognition: <\/b>Logic and rational thinking can also help you consider just how realistic the danger is. Also, recognize that you need a coping strategy, rather than simply allowing your emotions to run wild.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Men in Peril and the Women Who Love Them An edited version of this article appeared in Aquarius Magazine in November 2009 \u2013 find it online here. For many women living in the UAE, any day their partner goes to … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":969,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laurafulton.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1022"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laurafulton.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laurafulton.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laurafulton.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laurafulton.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1022"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.laurafulton.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1022\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1023,"href":"https:\/\/www.laurafulton.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1022\/revisions\/1023"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laurafulton.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/969"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laurafulton.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1022"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}